Jul. 6th, 2014 02:20 pm
halloranelder: (Default)
[personal profile] halloranelder

My stress levels are through the roof.

I don’t deal well with change, never have. I like things consistent and known, moving within known limits. Moving always stresses me out as things are changing and I don’t know what things are going to be like in the end.

This one’s more stressing than usual. The last two moves were initiated via external forces: we had to move out of Reynard St because the owners wanted to sell with vacant possession, and we had to move out of Spry St because the owner was a dick and wanted to move back into his house.

Also, in both previous moves, someone else was leading the way. In both cases it was both Travis and I moving, and Travis was getting things done so I was getting things done. I’m not that good at organisation myself, so having someone else to lead the way meant I know what had to be done.

This time is different on both counts. We’re moving out because this house is falling apart, the owners don’t care enough to do anything about it, and sometime in the future the house next door is going to be knocked down and they are going to build 4 townhouses on the block (I’ve seen the plans, they are tiny!). In addition, I’m moving out because this house doesn’t hold the heat very well and in fact seems to suck the heat out of the place (which is really good in Summer, but painful in Winter). Cold is really not good for my back which means I have a choice of consistently high pain levels, an electricity that could potentially bankrupt small nations, or moving to somewhere that can actually stay warm. Finally, I’m not moving out with my current housemate, I’m moving somewhere on my own.

Because of all this, my stress levels are way beyond normal levels. I know this is a good idea, and I know this is the right thing to do, and I know it’s all going to work out well in the end, but that doesn’t stop the voice in the back of my screaming in terror at it all.

Stress is also not good for my back, surprise surprise. So in addition to the cold causing me pain, the stress is causing even more. Mostly this time I seem to be carrying it across my lower back, which makes lying down uncomfortable, which means I haven’t slept all that well the last few days. Plus, pain in that area tends to cause lower-intestinal issues, and currently my bowels aren’t anyone’s friends.

It looks like I’m going to have to spend a little bit more than I was originally hoping on rent. My original budget seems to be just under the price point for the type of place I want, and raising my weekly rent by $25 a week should make all the difference. I’m not going to be any worse off financially than I am now, which is fine, but I was hoping to be able to save some money. The other benefits I’ll get from it all will more than make up for not saving as much, so it should all be good.

And to be honest, it’s been strangely refreshing to start getting rid of stuff. I hate the concept of “waste”, so I’d been holding on to stuff for years that I really had no need to keep because I didn’t want to waste it. So far in the last 2 days I’ve gotten rid of a pile of candleholders and the metal frame of my old work bench. For any of the Brisvegans reading this, my work bench was the Hit Point’s front counter, and all the candle holders all came from there when the Hit Point shut down at the end of June, 2000. This means I have been carting those things around for 14 years now.

I think that’s enough. I’ve found a home for my old filing cabinet, the storage cases probably have a home, and there are other things that will be going, and it’s feeling strangely freeing. It’s something I started years ago, and have slowly been get to, but now it’s all speeding up. Tomorrow night I’m probably going to go through my miscellaneous crate of computer cables and spare parts and most likely throw out 90% of it. I don’t think I own a computer with a working serial port any more, so anything of that ilk can go. Also, I know I don’t own any computers with a working floppy drive, so I probably should throw out all the old software that’s still on floppy disk. I’m sure if I need a copy again (for whatever strange reason) I’ll be able to download a copy from the internet somewhere.

All the books in the hallway bookcases are packed, and some of the stuff in the study bookcases. I stopped because I ran out of boxes, but I’m getting more delivered tomorrow, so will start again soon.

And at the very least, Xavier is liking the fact I’m packing stuff. There’s packed boxes in the hallway, and he’s always been a climber. :)

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halloranelder: (Default)

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Desert Rose

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of fire
Those dreams that tie two hearts that will never die
And near the flames
The shadows play in the shape of the man’s desire

This desert rose
Whose shadow bears the secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume that would torture you more than this

And now she turns
This way she moves in the logic of all my dreams
This fire burns
I realize that nothing’s as it seems

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

I dream of rain
I lift my gaze to empty skies above
I close my eyes
The rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of love

I dream of rain
I dream of gardens in the desert sand
I wake in vain
I dream of love as time runs through my hand

Sweet desert rose
Whose shadow bears the secret promise
This desert flower
No sweet perfume that would torture you more than this

Sweet desert rose
This memory of hidden hearts and souls
This desert flower
This rare perfume is the sweet intoxication of love

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